Raspberry Jaeger
by sweetraspberryjaeger
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks, a stylich chick, is left heartbroken by her crush. Will guys think of her in any way other than a younger sister? And will she ever stop thinking about other guys' younger sisters? WARNING: GinnyTonks and SiriusLupin slash.
1. Playing Russian Roulette

RASPBERRY JAEGER

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters, JKR owns them, as well as a house and a car and gum. On the other hand, I own glittery nailpolish.

A/N: I know this first chapter is not very well-written, but it's my least favourite part in the whole story. My apologies… I promise it _will_ get better.

I

"Playing Russian Roulette"

Nymphadora Tonks, a usually self-collected 22 year old, was feeling extremely nervous. She could _feel_a whole nest of butterflies inside her guts. _Of_ course, she had a perfectly good reason, the same reason most high school (and even older!) girls have: her dear and beloved crush was around and she was about to make a bold move… The same bold move that to these very same girls seems like a matter of life or death.

Life: said crush says "yes", they kiss and live happily ever after for a minimum period of one week.

Death: said crush ignores the girl, runs away or, worse still, pats her sympathetically on the back and says "I only like you as a friend".

And therefore, There she was, standing on the chilly hall of 12, Grimmauld Place, picking at the skin around her fingers (from which she had scrubbed off any remains of fluorescent yellow polish) and watching the strange wallpaper. The house was full of weird creaks and mops, but Tonks wasn't afraid. She would sooner fight with a ghoul than do what she was about to do.

_Are you a girl or a mouse?_, she asked herself, angrily. If she had the guts to be an Auror, she had the guts to do this. Drawing her wand from her robe, she charmed a small copper plaque on the wall and checked herself out: The heart-shaped face and bubblegum pink hair, her trademarks, seemed inappropriate. Although she had a gift most girls would give anything for, Tonks had a problem: nothing ever seemed to fit quite right, and she felt like she was wearing a mask. She never felt like "herself" no matter what she did. Except, of course, her bubblegum pink hair, that acted much like her dino plushie had in her childhood.

With a small sigh, she tried to focus on what she wanted to look like. Her hair seemed too… childish for that occasion; the last thing she wanted would be to be compared to a younger sister. Strangely, this thought made Ginny's red hair pop into her mind for a few seconds, and instead of a different shade of pink she got a strange raspberry colour.

"Not too bad." She thought, venturing another glance at the mirror, still surprised with the outcome and giving herself a pair of dark blue eyes to match it.

Then, taking a deep breath, Tonks arranged her clothes – an Ireland Quidditch Team t-shirt and a green plaid skirt emblazoned with mock prefect badges, which hopingly wouldn't remind him of the Slytherin students – and pushed open the wooden kitchen door.

The room was empty except, of course, for Remus. It was almost evening and soon it would be full of people, but the Order members were running errands and the Weasley-kids were upstairs with Hermione, doing (or pretending to do) their homework. For now, they had peace. Especially for what Tonks was going to say.

"Hey, Remus?" She called, making him look up from "The Daily Prophet". Closing her eyes for a few minutes and praying it would work, she started, "I have something to tell you."

Remus closed the paper and stared up at her interestedly, "Do tell."

"Well…" Tonks looked for words, "I know I'm like, everybody's younger sister and that you probably see me like Ginny, but you're a fellow Order member and… I think I have a crush on you Remus."

"Oh?" Although surprised, Remus smiled. That couldn't be a bad sign, could it? "Well, Tonks… you are a very fine young lady."

Trying her best not to blush or start crying, Tonks looked down as she heard Remus enumerate the reasons, "But you're too young, too rich and too healthy for me. I'm dangerous, Tonks. I'm old, I—"

Her face stained with tears, Tonks looked up, "But why won't you date? You should… you should have fun. You should go out more… you're not old, I don't care what anybody thinks. I don't care if you look like you're 60."

"That's very kind of you. But I _am _in a relationship with someone already. I'm sorry. It's because it's you, you're young and free. I turn into an evil creature every full moon, and even when I don't--"

"Who.. who are you seeing?" The raspberry-haired girl asked, hoping it was someone decent – and certainly not young and carefree.

Lupin sighed, opening the paper again and taking a sip of his tea, indicating that the conversation was almost settled, "Sirius. Yes, that's right, your own cousin. He's certainly not young and carefree."

Angrily, Tonks grabbed an half-empty cup of tea someone had abandoned nearby and chucked it at the wall, "That's jack, and you know it! Sirius is _not_ a werewolf. Do you really think I buy that story? Nobody will ever see me as a girl, now will they! Urgh. I'm sick of this!" She yelled, the stomped upstairs complaining and groaning, "It's not fair!"

"Believe it or not." Remus whispered after Tonks had slammed the door shut behind her, "It's true. And I love Sirius."

Mentally, he added, _No, it's not fair, but that's the way it is_. _Sorry, miss._


	2. Out Of My WindowBackdrop Sillouette

II

"Out Of The Window See Her Backdrop Sillouette"

The next morning, Tonks woke up feeling like she had fallen onto a pile of bricks. She tried to gather the events of the previous evening, frowning slightly – Remus rejecting her, going to her room a tad bit too early and falling asleep. Hermione had brought her a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, which she had drank. She had then proceeded to fall asleep for about eleven hours, giving the excuse that she was feeling a bit tired. Now, under the grey morning light, Tonks was starting to ponder how false the information she had been giving everybody was. Not that she was a compulsive liar (though she was a good one, after all, she could change her looks at will!), but she had been hiding quite a bit of truths.

In fact, she had been telling everybody the reason she was staying at 12, Grimmauld Place was because she was house hunting as her housemates were "noisy" and "messy" – nothing more false, as she herself wasn't exactly a peace and quiet type of person. The only reason was to spy on Remus, to run into him every evening before dinner or order meetings.

_You are a damned bad spy, you couldn't figure out that your __mancandy__ was sleeping with Sirius – no wonder you almost failed Stealth and Tracking!_, Tonks thought to herself, supporting her head on her hands. Getting out of bed to get dressed (and tripping over in the process), she kept thinking. If she had realized that like most people probably would have, she wouldn't have made a fool of herself in front of the Order, as certainly Remus would tell their colleagues. Even worse, he would tell Sirius who would promptly crack a joke about her "maturity".

It had been something Sirius had been doing ever since she could remember. While for a good part of her life, he had been in Azkaban; when she was about 7 years old and he was a young adult, they met each other a few times – and every time Sirius would tease her for trying to be "like the grown ups".

Now, over a decade later, Sirius still found it amusing to comment on Tonks' lack of chest volume and her age, or her clumsiness (saying she was as co-ordinated as a toddler) much to her dismay. In her good days, Nymphadora would just playfully punch him back or make an equally cruel joke about him; on her bad days she wanted to quit the order for being so underestimated, although she'd rather be Crucio-d than admit that.

"Well, if people think they can still treat me like I'm a child, they're sorely mistaken!" Tonks growled, trying to heat up the hot chocolate, but making a golden burst hit (and break) the cup and knock over a pile of books. "Damn it!" She swore, trying to clean up the mess. Immediately, she resumed her rant. "If they think I'm Ginny Weasley—"

Ginny's red hair came to mind once again, and the pink-haired girl couldn't help but wonder how soft it was. If only she could touch it… without noticing it, she made her hair turn a cross between her usual pink and Ginny's red colour, just a voice demanded, "What do I have to do with anything?"

Startled, Tonks looked towards the door. Ginny was standing there, and the thought of hair made Tonks blush.

"It was… an example." She explained. "What are you doing here?"

A sad look seemed to flash across Ginny's face as she sat down on Tonks' bed. "Hmm. Okay. Well… I heard something break as I was walking down the hall and I decided to check on you… to see if you were, hum, okay. Y'know…"

"Right." Tonks nodded, smiling. "I'm fine, I just accidentally broke this cup."

Ginny rolled her eyes playfully, "Well it's not like that's totally unexpected of you." Then, upon noticing Tonks weak smile, she asked, "Is there something wrong?"

_Besides the fact that __everybody treats me like I am you… and you still manage to date guys' at Hogwarts, everything's just perfect._ Tonks thought, before shaking her head and tried to push away any further Ginny's hair-related thoughts out her mind, which only made her blush once again. However, this did not seem to fool Ginny, who frowned and stared into Tonks' blue eyes.

"You're not convincing me in the least, y'know." Ginny pushed the subject further, almost as if trying to figure something out.

And in fact, she was. She would rather die than admit she had been thinking about Tonks a bit. In the beginning, she would just ask herself questions about things, such as, "What would Tonks wear?", "Which flavor of Bertie Botts Beans would Tonks prefer?" or "How would Tonks behave at this party?". Nothing too big, and Ginny would smile secretively to herself everytime someone complimented her outfit or behavior modeled after the questions, or compare her to Tonks – as she half-hoped Tonks would (not) realize this.

However, this quickly evolved into her not paying the slightest attention to the conversations at the dinner table of 12, Grimmauld Place just to stare at Tonks. Ginny felt like this girl was somehow perfect – her witty humour, her smile, her music tastes. This now went beyond just admiring her attitude and became something else. Ginny was no longer pondering what colour would her Hair Hazzard Highlights have to be to match her (hopefully) Tonks-like attitude, or what Weird Sisters song she should quote just to seem witty and popular. No, now it was more about how shiny Tonks' hair was, and how beautiful her eyes were, or how pure Tonks' skin seemed to be. Ginny wanted desesperately to touch Tonks, and more than once at the dinner table she had accidentally reached out – only to pretend she was reaching for another slice of bread or the pepper shaker.

Of course, she had tried to shrug it all off. According to Young Witches Magazine, those feelings were absolutely normal at her age, but it did not mean they were permanent. And of course, Ginny didn't want to be mistaken and possibly teased over something she wasn't even sure she was. But the feelings for Tonks were there. Ginny not only admired her, but now found every imaginable excuse to be with Tonks and talk to her. Lately, she would even often dream about _being_ with Tonks in a way that made her blush as it was well beyond "just talking".

Wondering if Hermione or Cho or any of the girls ever felt the same way for another girl, Ginny couldn't help but be confused. She was starting to lose sleep over this, and would often sit by herself trying to – carefully – gather books to read, which was not exactly easy as the Black – and even the Weasley - family didn't seem to be very much into that type of thing.

Now, she had been walking down the hall after having sat for hours in front of the fire in the library, just thinking about Tonks and feeling her lips on hers, when she heard a noise from her dear and beloved's bedroom and had rushed in.

And of course, there she was, trying to figure out what was wrong with Tonks. Much like herself, all symptoms pointed towards "love problems", but she knew the young Auror would rather stab her own eye with her wand than admit it.

"So…" Ginny repeated, "You're not convincing me in the least that you are well."

Tonks looked down onto her lap. "I'm fine, honestly." How would she say something like this to Ginny? Or to anybody else for that matter? That the ever-cheerful Tonks had her bad moments. Nobody would ever expect her to fall in love with anyone at all, much like Lupin's reaction had proved. The only thing Tonks wanted she wouldn't get it no matter how much she changed her looks or tried not trip over things: she just wanted to find true love, cliché as that could sound. To be able to stay in one of the cozy rooms of 12, Grimmauld Place, drinking lemon tea and watching the rain with a special someone – that was all Tonks wanted. However, much like the previous day, when she tried to picture herself in a mode where she was to have feelings, all she could see was Ginny's red-hair. Deciding that it was probably a hidden hope of seeing Lupin with red hair, Tonks tried to focus on the werewolf. On someone AT ALL who was not a younger girl who probably didn't even think about girls in that way and was her best friend in the Order's HQ. Looking away, she said, "Okay. I admit it, maybe I'm a little heartbroken."

This hit Ginny full on in the face like cold water. "Wh-what? Who is he? Is this why you were so upset?"

"Well. Last night I went to talk to Lupin, because I have had a crush on him since, like, forever. Now, I did so much for Lupin. I moved into this house so I could see him, I spent _hours_ trying to look just right. But, honestly, my observational skills must suck because Lupin told me he's dating Sirius. Of course, Lupin got me pretty much crushed over the whole Sirius situation. And now… now all I can picture is… okay, so then… I get this… idea that people pretty much think of me as "just a friend"; as this kid who never will grow up."

"…And that's why you mentioned my name?" Ginny bit her lip hard trying not to cry. The fact that Tonks saw her as a little kid and was into _Remus_ hurt a bit too much. "Because I'll always be the kid, right?"

Before Tonks could explain herself, Ginny shrugged, "Well. I'm going now, I have to go shower before the twins wake up and take over the bathroom for their pranks experiments."

Without another word, the Weasley girl left a baffled Tonks behind, whose mind unsuccessfully tried to ward off any thoughts involving Ginny's disappointment and any possible attractions.


	3. Love And Fire Whiskey

DISCLAIMER: JKR owns all the awesome people. Yes, even Sirius Black :( Lucky her. I own a toothbrush, socks, and the people I have created for "Teen Witch". AH. Oh, I also own Johnny Depp and gummi apple loops.

A/N:

Here's the new chapter! I apologize I took so long to update, but life happened xD Anyways. This hasn't been proof-read. But, yeah. I hope you enjoy it! This chapter isn't veryvery exciting but it had to be written.

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THREE: LOVE AND FIRE WHISKEY 

Ginny ran down the carpeted hall and slammed the bathroom door shut behind her, locking it before anybody could even reach the door. Leaning against it, she slid down, ending up sitting on the cold marble floor, as she started crying. She couldn't help it, that bitter disappointment that Tonks was in love with her former teacher. The fact that she'd never get to feel Tonks oh so close to her, or sit on a broom with her staring at the night sky and drinking fire whiskey to keep warm.

The young girl kept crying, each time she thought she could stop, something would come to mind and she'd cry even harder. How she wished to go back to a few days before, when she was still calm. Finally, Ginny closed her eyes and laid there for what seemed like hours, feeling exhausted from crying. It was so unfair.

She'd never be the "grown up" girl she wished to be. No matter how many boys she made out with, no matter how many tubes of Magical Eyeliner she left behind for her brothers to find – everybody would only see her as Ginny-cuddles. Her brothers had never let her play Quidditch, because she was a girl – and because she was younger. Ron was dumbfounded every time he found out about one of her "friends" and although Fred and George were the only ones who still respected her, she still had a fair amount of fighting to do to keep up.

It was so unfair! Why would nobody ever acknowledge she had grown? And now this! She thought Tonks saw her as an equal, at least like a cool younger sister – not a kid! Enraged, Ginny picked up a rubber duck someone had left lying around and threw it at the wall with a loud "squeak".

On that exact moment, she started hearing footsteps on the hall… the unmistakable sound of Tonk's sneakers followed by someone tripping over a small snake statue. Panicking, Ginny silently made sure the door was closed and got into the tub, opening the water tap and making sure it was loud enough so she could alledge it had muffled the now strong knocks on the door.

After a while, whoever was outside started talking, but Ginny simply dove into the water (she had set the tub to be in "pool mode" as Hermione called it) and remained there, the water muffling everything and making the world seem distorted.

Eventually, whoever was outside the door said something and walked away. Those steps, had Ginny bothered to listen, of someone hurt and crushed, and contrary to Ginny's thought, not of someone patronizing and sympathetic.

"Oh, snap." Tonks muttered, kicking the door one last time. Upon arriving to her bedroom, she threw herself onto the Chudley Cannons comforter and lazily pointed her wand at the door, saying "Colloportus!". The door was sealed with a squelching noise, and everything was awfully quiet except for a wristwatch on her bedside table.

Tonks just laid there, staring at the stone white ceiling and sighing. The strange shadows cast by the extremely dark and twisted trees that grew in a sort of back garden seemed to dance upon the cobwebs above her head. How could she have been so stupid to not notice Ginny's feelings? And it wasn't that she didn't love Ginny. She did only… _oh come on, __Tonks__. Who the hell are you __kiddin__'?_... she'd have to admit she had thought of Ginny in that way once or twice. And did it increasingly. But she just couldn't! What about Lupin? If Lupin was too old for her, she was too old for Ginny. Besides, Ginny was a _girl_.

Although Tonks openly (at least to herself) liked girls – and had had a few adventures in Hogwarts as a younger witch – Ginny was living there. In that same house. Dammit, Ginny was the girl she had counted on as a best friend. They _should_ be best friends, in a sisterly way. Not Ginny hitting on Tonks and vice-versa. She had indeed blushed whenever she thought of Ginny like that, but had never really given any thought to it until she felt Ginny's escape like a punch in the guts.

"Damn." Tonks said, realizing what she was thinking. "Let's recap. I'm in love with Lupin, who is potentially too old for me, and there's this girl who should be _just_ my best friend, yet she has a thing for me and I was too blind to notice although it all makes sense now. And whenever I'm distracted I start thinking about her, my hair changes colour and I blush for reasons other than the fact that I stole my best friend's hair colour. No."

It was far too much for her to take in. Where did Lupin stand, then? True, she could be in love with two different people and in different ways. But that still didn't make things any easier. What about Ginny's family, as well? Tonks stomach twisted just to imagine Molly's face when Tonks and Ginny came out – the face of pure horror. Molly had been so nice to her, like an elderly aunt, and now she was repaying her by sleeping with Ginny.

With a long sigh, Tonks shook her head and flicked her wand towards the stereo, making it start playing "Jeepster" by a band called T.Rex., and started making plans. She would pack her bags the next day – that was the 'right' thing to do, and the wisest one too, and although Tonks often disregarded such things, she had to do this.

Ginny was feeling much calmer with the hot water washing her face wet and salty with tears. Her head was starting to ache, but certainly Hermione could find something to make her feel better. What would Tonks do? No, Ginny shook her head, it wasn't right to think of Tonks in that way. Tonks, her best friend. Tonks, who was in love with _Lupin_.

How could Ginny ever rival a werewolf? Having had a crush on Harry, she knew how attractive men with fascinating and potentially life stories could be. Or something.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Ginny dove into the water again, the emerged and climbed out of the tub. She then quickly got dressed and ran out of the door, sneaking past Tonk's door. Much to her relief, the door was closed. Which was good, because hopefully that way Tonks couldn't hear her and decide to talk to her.

Ginny simply shrugged and started going upstairs, to the room she shared with Hermione, walking past the twins who were playing with their extedable ears and who decided, upon seeing the look on their sister's face, not to mess with her – they loved to joke, but they also valued their lives.

Had Ginny noticed this, she would have seen how much they respected her. Fred actually opened his mouth to call her, but George nudged him then shook his head, mouthing "Not a good time". They both just watched Ginny go upstairs, until they heard something interesting.

"Guh." Ginny made, pushing the door of the bedroom open. "I'm so sleepy." She explained after she noticed Hermione's curious look, to avoid any further questions. In response, Hermione (who was laying on her bed, reading "Hogwarts: A History" and painting her nails in a strange orange colour for some unphantomable reason) simply shrugged – this made Ginny oddly satisfied. Finally, someone who didn't seem to think of her as a kid.

Suddenly, she felt fear. What if Hermione thought she was a kid, and simply had her around out of pity?

"Hey, Hermione?" She called, hesitantly, sitting down on her own bed, leaning against the wall. "Can I ask you a question?"

Hermione was now attentively staring at her. "Yeah, sure."

"Do you see me as "just" a kid? Like, do you hang out with me just because I'm like everybody's younger sister?" She asked, looking down and picking at the seams of her black and grey fingerless gloves. "Please be honest with me."

"Mmmm… I don't see you as a kid, Ginny! You're only a year younger than I am… I mean, why would I see you as a child? You're like a sister, younger or not. I don't look down on you or anything, you're an amazing friend… maybe your brother sees you as a bit younger, but that's just the way guys are, y'know?"

"What about the others?"

"You mean… Harry and everybody? I think Harry doesn't see you as a child, especially now that things between you aren't as awkward—"

Ginny cut her off. "No, no! I meant, the people in the order."

"The Order?" Hermione frowned. "I think they see _all of us_ as children, that's why they don't let us in their meetings, of course. I mean, they hardly let the twins in and they're older than we are! But that's because they want to protect us."

"What about Tonks? I mean she hangs out with us. And she's only 21." A bit of hope came across in Ginny's words, like she was trying to hang onto a last hope. Hermione frowned and thought for a bit. "Do you think she looks down on us, or just me, or what?"

"To be honest…" Hermione started, and Ginny felt a sharp pain somewhere in her abdomen, like she didn't want to guess the rest. "… I don't think she looks down on any of us, but especially you. I mean she hangs out with us because she wants to. She could easily hang out with her friends, she's not the only young girl Auror around. No, she doesn't think we're kids… she respects us a lot. And the other day she was helping me practice a few defense spells and she told me how she considers you to be her best friend… a bit like a sister in the sense that she loves you a lot. And might be protective of you because you're younger, yes, but that doesn't mean she thinks you're a baby."

With a deep breath, Hermione made silence for Ginny's reply as she analysed carefully the chapter "About The Kitchens Of Hogwarts Or: Why Hogwarts Students Will Always Munch On Pumpkin Juice And Kidney Pies", yet the red-haired girl said nothing. She just stared at Hermione, completely dumbfounded. Pondering if she should tell Hermione she had overheard Tonks considering her a baby, she decided against it and nodded, muttering a thanks and hugging Hermione clumsily before settling down and picking up an issue of "Teen Witch" that featured a boy on the cover, with the caption "Jack Shalow, The New Gilderoy Lockhart"?

After reading the feature about her favourite actor (Jack Shalow) and putting up a poster of him as Macbeth, Ginny took a deep breath and flipped through the "advice" column. It wasn't interesting, but it gave her an idea.

"Oh, aha! There's a girl here asking if she can safely undo the engorgio charm after her and her boyfriend bang a gong!" Ginny chuckled, and Hermione laughed along. "Oh, look at this one! "I love my roommate at Hogwarts, and we're both girls. Am I normal?"… dude. Do you think it is? Like do Muggles also do this stuff?"

"Well… I suppose it is, yes. And yes, Muggles do that… in fact in some places it can be pretty taboo." Hermione shrugged. "I don't think it's a big deal, each to their own. Who are we to judge? Honestly… poor girl."

Ginny felt a pang of hope, but said nothing and just nodded in response. "I suppose so, yes…" She then decided to change the subject. "Oh, did you hear that Lucretia VonDukay is engaged? Very, very interesting…"

Hermione did not know, and for the rest of the evening they just gossiped about Lucretia, both absent mindedly. Ginny had her mind set on Tonks, and Hermione was pondering about how Ginny seemed worried about lesbianism and the pink-haired girl – if there was a thing the brown-haired girl wasn't that would be stupid: she knew the signs of someone in love, and there was definitely something suspicious going on, to which Ginny's questions were only adding, and although Hermione was a bookworm, she knew a fair deal about dating. After all, she had dated a world-famous Quidditch player, hadn't she? Hermione immediately tried to conceal any further thoughts about a certain red-haired person that was not the girl in front of her, by discussing how Lucretia had been spotted drinking a bit too much fire whiskey the day before.

The things fire whisky could do to people. Fire whiskey, and, judging by the atmosphere in that house, love, too.

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Thanks for the reviews everybody:) 


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